The 5 Things Any Wildly Successful Burglar Must Know

…and why you should know them too.

Here’s a harsh truth (actually it’s a 3-in-1): Most burglars are stupid, make enormous mistakes, and only avoid capture because of good fortune. If you’re a burglar, and that sounds less than ideal (and somewhat insulting) then you’ve got the right idea. If you’re not a burglar (and we’re kinda hoping you’re not), and you feel a little miffed and wondering why most burglaries actually go unsolved, then you’ve also got the right idea. We’re here to tell you why.

5: You’re not being watched.

It’s as simple as that. That feeling of paranoia that comes creeping over you when you’re either casing out the mark or you’re getting your crowbar out? It’s all in your head. The vast, vast majority of private properties have no surveillance, no cameras, no patrols, no security lighting… no anything of the sort, really.

Most people will have a paranoid side to them, especially if they’re embarking on a venture that’s not strictly legal… or outright illegal, which burglary would be, last time we checked.

And here’s your fun fact: The quicker you get in, the less chance someone has seen you. Possible hazards are neighbors, people out jogging or walking, and passing cars. Making sounds isn’t all that bad – most people won’t react to a single, surprising sound – they’ll chalk it up to animals, cars backfiring (because that happens so often these days…) and whatnot else they can think of. Get in there. Quickly.

4: Failing to Plan is Planning for Jail.

Yeah, you liked that, huh? It’s not only clever, it’s true. Crimes of opportunityis fine – in fact, they’re the ones most likely to succeed, but it only goes so far. What you should do is plan in anticipation of the opportunity.

Sounds complicated? Well, it isn’t. The point here is that once you spot a target that suits you and is easy, you should be prepared to take it down then and there, instead of having to come back at another time, when things and circumstances may have changed – and they usually change for the worse.

Let’s say you’re driving down the street, and you see a family pulling out from their driveway, which is handily secluded by a hedge on both sides, and there’s a treeline separating their property from the neighbor’s prying eyes. They’ve packed all their crap into their car, and they’re obviously planning on going on a road trip. You don’t see any lights, no cameras, no gates… so what do you do? Wait 30 minutes (just in case mom tells pop to turn around, because she thinks she forgot to turn off the vacuum cleaner… or whatever), park in their driveway, make your way to the back door, and take it down.

How can you do this? Because you’ve already got everything you need in your car, and you’ve just been out looking for the mark – that’s planning for the opportunity, boy-o.

3: Escape Awareness is Your Friend

Escape awareness sounds molt of all like something the DHS would promote, but in this setting, it’s something a little different. You see, you have to make off with the loot at some point.

Even though we’ve stressed the point that you should grab the opportunity when it comes to you, that doesn’t mean you should go running into any old house that you know is empty. You have to actually have a strategy, and be aware of that strategy when you decide to go in.

Escape awareness means that you need to know where to go after you’ve done the deed, so to speak, and you have to be able to do so in as little time as possible. You remember those 30 minutes you have to wait from you see the family leave the house before you go in? Use those 30 minutes to plan the shortest route to the nearest highway, where you an blend with other traffic, similar vehicles, etc. Go in, get out, and use your escape awareness to make your way back to your lair.

2: Know What to Look for, and Leave if it isn’t There.

Burglars (as you should know, if you are one) have a couple of things at the top of their Christmas lists. Actually, they’re year-round lists, but that’s beside the point. Money and “valuables”. Jewellery, that is, as well as hard to trace electronics that can be carried, and silver. Most experts will tell home owners to keep such things in bolted down safes and keep it away from dressers, drawers and mattresses – but then again, most people don’t listen to expert advice. That’s just the way things work. People will know what the smart thing to do is, and then… not to it.

Here’s your tip: decide what you want to go for – think of what will be the easiest for you to sell, and then focus, focus, focus. Many many burglars will stay in the house they’ve just burgled and tear the place apart if they don’t find anything valuable to take with them, and that’s just stupid. It will cost you time that you don’t have, and most likely result in you getting caught or leaving tell-tale traces and evidence that can and will be used against you in a court of law (got a little chilly in here all of a sudden, huh?). If you don’t find what you’re looking for, you move on. Get in your car, and follow your escape awareness plan. This is going to make sure that you’ll stay as free as a bird, to let you burgle another day. Nice, huh?

1: Never, Ever Run from the Cops.

So, shit hit the fan, and there’s a black and white behind you, lights going and you just know the guy saw you coming out of that house. What’s your first instinct? Getting away, of course.

In this scenario, the cop is your enemy, and running from our enemies is hard coded into our DNA. Or something like that. This is a time where you need to overpower and beat down those instincts. Running from the cops is always a bad idea, and in just about every case, it’s going to rack up a whole bunch of nasty, very serious charges for your record. Cops are great at that, and if you run from them, they’re going to go over those tapes again and again, just to rack up enough stuff you did wrong to keep you behind bars for a long, long time. So don’t do it.

If you do wind up with the fuzz on your arse, just pull over and take what’s coming to you. If you give yourself up nice and quiet (remember, he could be pulling you over for a busted tail light or a missing sticker) the worst you’ll be facing is a B&E charge, and maybe not even that. You’ll be back on the streets in the blink of an eye, buddy.

Haters gonna Hate…

So, if you think that SnallaBolaget has suddenly switched sides, you’d be wrong. If you really, really don’t understand why we’ve got this article up, shoot us an email, and we’ll explain it to you. Make sure you include the following:

– Your question.
– Your address
– When you plan on leaving for vacation
– A quick description of where you keep your valuables. And cash.

Knowing how a good burglar thinks will be your best weapon in your fight to keep your home, family and valuables safe from them, silly.