Everybody like cool gadgets. That’s just the way it is. So, with that in mind, we’ve taken the liberty of collecting the top five cool security gadgets that we’ve spotted so far this year (okay, some are from last year…) and we’ve put together this little list for you.

Without further adooo… here it is. As usual, in no particular order.

The List

1:

Perhaps mostly for the ladies, here’s a 350,000 volt lipstic stun gun.

Lipstun?

You can keep it in your purse or in your pocket, on your desk or on the seat next to you in the car… or whatever. Just don’t use it on your lips. You probably wouldn’t feel them for a week or two.

Oh, and if 350,000 volt just doesn’t really do it for you – after all, there are these things with 2,9 million volts – then here’s one with 950,000 volts. That should sting, but it doesn’t really look as good without the red…

2:

Surface Microphones.

Okay, this one might be a little bit creepy. So… don’t use it? Or do. The point is, this thing makes it possible for you to listen through walls. Not all walls, of course, but most of them.

How, you say? Well, a contact microphone works by putting it against a surface, and then it picks up the vibrations that come through the material, letting you hear what’s going on on the other side. Neat, huh?

3:

Biometric Door Locks.

Biolock!

So, you feel like making your house look a little bit more Star Trek-ish? This is definitely a gadget you need. Polished steel, blue lights, smooth surfaces. Very space-like. Definitely something for the modern man. Or woman. Or android… if they have fingerprints?

It’s water resistant and the memory can handle up to 150 users, and you can even choose to have a passcode as an additional “layer” on your security scheme. So get your tool box!

4:

Bulletproof Suits.

It’s teh sh!t. Rumor has it that Obama was even wearing one of these things when he ran around out in the open during his inauguration. Well, running around might be the wrong term, but you get the point, don’t ya?

Anyway, the bullet resistant stuff can be had from Miguel Caballero, for example.

Oh, and by the way; for all you ladies out there, we have this. Bulletproof bikinis. Nice.

Yes.

5:

Loudest Car Alarm Ever.

What was that? You want to protect your car from being stolen, and you don’t give a flying f**k what your neighbors think of you? Right… then these things are for you. The horns are designed for trains, but wire easily into any standard car alarm. Bolt it to the inside of your bumper, or some other place that will hold them, and wire them to the relay that controls your alarm. All done. Sit back and relax – until your windows are blown out when the kid next door accidentally crashes his bike against your car.

At least, you’ll still have your car. He’ll never do that again. Or hear anything. Ever.

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